


strawberry rain

by fearlessavantgarde



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feelings, Forbidden Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29942793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fearlessavantgarde/pseuds/fearlessavantgarde
Summary: For Jaemin it had always been Jeno. And he knew that Jeno felt the same way.They had met in this world and would never let go of each other. Even if it meant they would never kiss, it was worth it.They would have to swallow "I love you" for the rest of their lives.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	strawberry rain

"Hey Jeno. Can I come in?"

"Sure, always, Jaem," Jeno replied, and Jaemin took a deep breath. His heart was warmed by Jeno's voice far more than by the sun. Jaemin longed to be close to him. To climb into his bed, sit on his lap, and bury his head in Jeno's soft, warm hoodie. To breathe in Jeno's familiar scent and feel his muscles relax as his body realized he was safe. He had finally found his place in the world.

Jaemin gave the door a little push, and with a soft squeak, it opened enough for him to slip into Jeno's room.

He stood in the room for a few moments, unsure of what to do, tugging at the sleeve of his oversized sweatshirt - Jeno's sweatshirt - and looking at the floor. He was physically and mentally exhausted. They'd had a lot of appointments over the last few days and had gotten very little sleep. His emotions had been tormenting him lately. Still, he was functioning and his smile was as bright as ever - until Jeno had pulled him aside after an interview and asked what was wrong. It wouldn't have taken much for Jaemin to open up to him and tell him everything that was on his mind. But in the end, he'd lied because they couldn't live with the truth in their profession. At least not yet. They would still be judged and despised, and society would manipulate their success.

"Jaem?" Jeno paused from his book, looked up, and Jaemin's heart tightened as Jeno's glasses slid down his nose. His hair was a mess, but perfect, and his eyes were warm and loving. Jeno intertwined their fingers and pulled Jaemin to him on the bed, Jaemin's fingertips trembling slightly as he accepted Jeno's outstretched hand. "Jaemin, come here. Come to me." Jeno whispered to Jaemin, pulling him closer until Jaemin was sitting on Jeno's left thigh with his arms around Jeno's neck.

Jeno didn't seem to mind that Jaemin wanted to be so close today. His fingers ran over Jaemin's cheek and into his hair. With a small smile, Jaemin nuzzled Jeno's neck with his nose and watched as goosebumps spread up Jeno's arms. Jeno laughed and looked back down at his book, leaning it against his knee as his other hand ran through Jaemin's hair.

Jeno's warmth became Jaemin's warmth as he simply listened to his heartbeat, enjoying the movement of Jeno's chest as it rose and fell against his own body.

He buried his hands in Jeno's hoodie, fighting the urge to slide his fingers under the fabric and feel over the warm skin. He longed for a closer relationship with Jeno. He wanted to touch him, taste him, feel him, and explore every inch of his body. Jaemin wanted everything about Jeno to be his, just as everything about Jaemin was Jeno's.

And he wished he could tell Jeno that these thoughts were going through his mind. He wished he had the courage to go on. But he was aware that he would never take that step.

For the past eight years, they had been best friends. A lot was different now that they were older and their relationship had changed. They had matured. They understood each other's desires, problems, strengths and weaknesses as if they were their own. They built their friendship on a different level of understanding.

Jaemin and Jeno had their own little world that everyone in the NCT knew about. When they were together, the others always joked that no one could get in their way. Jeno looked at Jaemin as if he was laying the whole world at his feet. There was only one person on Jeno's mind, Jaemin. Even if it was three in the morning, Jaemin would cook something special for Jeno if he asked him to. They shared a single soul and a single heart. 

And yet they were separated.

Jaemin had never asked Jeno what they meant to each other. They were well aware of the situation, and their looks and actions spoke louder than words and touch, which were forbidden to them.

After a concert, Jaemin wished that the moment when Jeno took his hand and everyone bowed to the audience could last forever. He couldn't bear the thought of letting go of his hand in public because it was the only time he could do it. People wouldn't judge him.

They naturally sought physical contact when they were alone. But when they were in public, it hurt so much that Jaemin had to constantly remind himself to keep his hands off Jeno. To limit his feelings for his best friend so that fanservice wouldn't be misinterpreted.

For Jaemin, it had always been Jeno. And he knew Jeno felt the same way. They had met in this world and would never let go of each other. Even if it meant they would never kiss, it was worth it. They would never admit to each other that there was love between them. They would have to swallow "I love you" for the rest of their lives.

What if they stopped being idols in the future and started their own families? What if Jaemin had to witness Jeno getting married, having children, and building a house with a woman?

Just thinking about it made tears well up in his eyes.

As Jeno's fingers paused in his hair and he dropped the book on the blanket beside him, Jaemin realized how tightly he had been clutching his best friend. Jeno sighed deeply.

Jaemin's heart stopped beating as he asked, "Jaem?" so carefully. Jeno was the one he wanted to kiss and touch. Every day he wanted to tell Jeno how much he cherished him. And he wanted to hear that Jeno felt the same way.

Jaemin pressed his face against Jeno's stomach so hard that he felt Jeno's muscles tighten.

"Jaem." Jeno's fingers ran in soothing circles over his back, massaging him. "Did something happen?"

To Jaemin, Jeno's voice sounded like summer rain. Jeno had a scent that reminded him of sun, wind, and sea. Jeno was Jaemin's little island in the middle of a vast sea of people, obligations, pressures, and the need for perfection.

Jaemin simply shook his head and stretched his chest under an infinitely tired sigh he snorted into the fabric and Jeno shivered as the heat hit his skin.

Jeno turned and wrapped his arms around Jaemin, letting himself fall back until he was on his back on the bed, Jaemin's body pressing him deeper into the mattress. With one hand, he caressed Jaemin's neck while the other grabbed him and pushed him higher until Jaemin was tucked under his chin. Jeno sighed as the soft hair tickled his chin, and Jaemin remained still. He knew he would have to wait a while. He would never force Jaemin to discuss something he didn't want to discuss. Jaemin would speak when he was ready.

"Jeno?" Jaemin's soft voice reached him just as he was about to fall asleep.

Jeno hummed to let Jaemin know he had heard him, but then he closed his eyes again. Feeling Jaemin 's weight and warmth on his body, as well as the feeling of Jaemin's muscles against his own, completely relaxed him to the point where he could fall asleep at any moment.

"Give me your hand." 

Jeno let go of Jaemin's waist and he reached for his fingers. When he felt Jaemin's soft lips against his knuckles, his eyelashes fluttered in surprise, and he opened his eyes. "Jaemin ..."

"Please, Jeno." Seeing the quiet pleading in Jaemin's eyes the moment their eyes met, Jeno felt a slight twitch in his heart. He understood what Jaemin was trying to say. He was well aware of it. But it wasn't possible. They were so close to the edge of the cliff. It had only gotten worse in the last few months, and every day he spent by Jaemin's side without being allowed to touch him had been so hard and so difficult. And ever since they shared an apartment, were in a unit, and spent their free time together, it wouldn't stop. It's wonderful, but it's also tormenting.

Jeno averted his gaze as Jaemin's lips hovered over his fingers for another moment, and he felt the fire in his stomach as Jaemin's breath brushed over his palm.

"I'm so sorry, Jeno. I've had a bad day."

Jeno's body tingled, electrified, as Jaemin breathed over him. Jaemin's voice sounded like the first rays of dawn breaking over the peaks. Jeno had never smelled anything more beautiful than Jaemin's scent of snow, strawberries, and clouds. Jaemin brought back memories of his carefree childhood, of picnics under cherry blossoms and walks on the beach with melted melon ice cream dripping sweetly from his fingers onto his shirt. As Jaemin laughed, a second sun appeared before his eyes, and he fell madly in love with him.

If he kissed his sun in front of other people, he would get burned. And he knew Jaemin shared his thoughts.

They were inseparable. Today and in the future. Jaemin's lips were still on his skin, and he wished this moment would never end.

He bit his lip, imagining he could taste Jaemin's lips when he was this close to him, his nose touching Jaemin's nose, Jaemin's long lashes tickling his cheeks, and his mouth slowly moving over Jaemin's chin until their lips melted into a kiss.

He would never find out.

Love isn't enough.


End file.
